But This Wasn’t The Plan…

Sometimes, there’s nothing like a nice, long drive alone to fully immerse yourself in your thoughts. So, today, as I drove home from visiting Megan + Rusty + Avery in Greenville (well, technically Taylors), I was flooded with thoughts – and suddenly flooded with tears.

As I drove down I-85, I let the tears fall freely. Certainly I was sad to be leaving their cute little family after a great weekend, but I realized these tears were representative of so much more. And one word kept resounding in my head: GRATITUDE. Unspeakable, unfathomable, overwhelming gratitude.

 

The majestic Queen City #704

My move back to Charlotte in December wasn’t planned. I was a part of a (wonderful) two-year rotational program with Comcast/NBCUniversal. I had completed my first rotation (a year in NYC) and was about to finish my second (6 months in Philadelphia), and head off to my third. I would move back to New York for my third rotation, and finish off the program at NBCU, where I would then transition into a full-time role. That was the plan.

But, my heart was hurting. And as a result of my heart hurting, my health (both mental and physical) was suffering terribly. My anxiety had peaked, and my eating disorder had me strangled in its grips. Every thought of mine was filled with paranoia – from work to relationships to food. I worried I wasn’t performing at my job, I worried people were mad at me, I worried (and obsessed) over every calorie that entered my body.

With the flare in my anxiety, and with the constant thoughts about food (and the, more often than not, daily bulimic episodes), I slowly felt myself losing it. I was sleeping 11+ hours a night and yet, unable to get out of bed. I was mopey and sad and hurting. And worst of all, I was scared.

I was scared as I witnessed my eating disorder creep fully back into my life. It had overtaken me – every bite, lick, taste and thought was consumed with terrible eating disorder behavior. I tried to brush this aside, I tried to quietly take control of things on my own, but with each day, I was further gone.

I knew that if I didn’t make some kind of a change that this would destroy me. So, I resigned.

I left behind my first job out of college, in the middle of the prestigious program I was a part of (and had become a part of me), with an amazing company (and amazing people). It was terrifying, but I knew I had to, because truly, my life depended on it.

I needed my support system, and I needed them at my side. That’s not to say I didn’t have a support system in NYC or Philly (I did – and I love them all!), but I needed my family. I needed my very closest friends. And, I needed my doctors. I needed the people who knew me down to my core, because I was drowning.

Nick Nick Nick Nick


Kat & Cat


To tell your employer and your coworkers that you are resigning is probably the scariest thing ever (especially when you don’t have another job lined up). And it wasn’t the plan. This was going against everything my Type-A, perfectionist self stood for. How could I leave a job, mid-commitment? How could I let down this company? How could I let down all of my fellow program mates (who had become my closest friends)? As a person who has high standards for herself (and who is very hard on herself…), I struggled, but the voice inside my head, and every fiber of my gut, told me I had to do this. I had to do this, but doing so meant going against “the” plan.

The plan I had worked hard for – late nights at the college library, interview prep, 2 big city moves. I had planned my life around this plan (for lack of better words), and suddenly I was going astray. And I was scared.

But, as I sat today on I-85 in tears, it hit me – I had gone against my plan, but I had listened to, followed and trusted in God’s plan. Of course! Why hadn’t I realized that sooner?

Gal Pals!


Avery is everything.

 While it wasn’t my plan to leave my job, God knew that this move was just what I needed, and he planted the idea in my head and lead me to act on this. He was the voice inside my head telling me to return home, because He knew that it was what I needed. And, He gave me the strength to talk to my employers about all of this. He redirected my plan so that I could follow His.

Family.


Since moving back, I have made strides in my health – first in freely discussing it, but second in gaining control back from my eating disorder. I’m not perfect (and never will be), but I am making progress, and that’s all I can ask for.

Most importantly, though, I’ve been reunited with my people. And, while I knew I missed them when in NYC and Philly (hello FOMO all the time), being back has made me realize how much I must’ve missed them, and how many milestones I would have missed had I not come back. Kelley & Matt’s engagement, Megan & Rusty moving into a new house, Panther tailgates with my parents, every second of Avery’s life – all things I wouldn’t have been able to actively participate in had I been home. In addition, I’ve been reunited with some of my best friends from high school and college (and found a job I enjoy!) – what more could I ask for?

Just missing Rusty and Avery 😦


A huge, huge part of me felt like I was letting so many people down by moving (namely, my employers/coworkers…and myself). I was embarrassed. I felt like I was being judged. I felt like a failure for not sticking to the plan.

Hindsight is 20/20, though, and while I didn’t stick to my plan, I listened to God’s voice in me and rewrote my plan, according to His direction. And for that, and so many other things, I am grateful.

XOXO

Filtering Your Facebook Feed

In my Current Issues in Mass Communication class, there has been a lot of talk about social media because, of course, it is a major source of the world’s mass communication! We’ve talked about everything from Pinterest to Instagram, and we’ve also talked about Facebook, and how it may be on the decline.

I tend to agree with this. Facebook is probably my least favorite social media site (even though I check it constantly – ugh) because it tends to be so redundant. My favorite feature of Facebook is the ability to add photos (and to look at other people’s photos), but now we have Instagram and honestly I’d rather see one nicely filtered photo than a bunch of pictures of the same thing in a Facebook album any day.

Facebook just gets old. I mean, you run through your news feed every day and see the same people posting and the same people adding pictures and it’s just so darn annoying. It’s getting even worse as I get older.

Now, I see people my age (I’m 21) getting engaged and having kids and posting about it and it freaks.me.out. I see people posting about their amazing travels and I immediately have severe FOMO and have to remind myself that one day (after I make some money…) I can do cool things too!

So, with all the babies, engagement rings and wonderful landscapes filling my feed, I am overwhelmed and I am over it. Thank goodness Comediva came to the rescue. Check out this hilarious video “Facebook Fatigue” that so accurately describes many of us as we browse through Facebook.

 

Uplift Monday: J.J. Watt’s Remarkable Friendship

Monday1

Monday Blues are a real thing. They really are. There is nothing more dreaded than knowing that the weekend is coming to an end and that it’s back to the grind. Mondays are dreaded by almost everyone (I mean just look at that eCard), but they are a sad reality.

That’s why I’ve decided to start what will (hopefully) become a weekly post called Uplift Monday. I will share an uplifting story or video that will get your week started on the right foot.

For my first Uplift Monday post, I’m sharing this amazing video from ESPN: J.J. Watt’s Remarkable Friendship

This 295-pound defensive end for the Houston Texans is nothing short of inspiring; his character is, as ESPN says, remarkable. He gives of his time (which I doubt as an NFL player he has much free) to take care of these kids and to look out for them. He has brought back joy to these children’s lives after so much was taken from them, and he is a hero to be admired.

There is nothing more special than giving of yourself to help others. While sometimes we may not all recognize that we have things to offer to the world, just remember that you do. Even the smallest acts of kindness do not go unnoticed – a simple smile, a hug, a compliment. No matter how big or how small your giving ability, remember to give to those in need. Albert Einstein put it best, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”

Have a great week!

Fall Break in Clemson

IMG_8076
Death Valley!

This past weekend, I headed down to Clemson, South Carolina for my fall break. While the Tigers took a beating from the Seminoles, overall it was a fabulous weekend spent with my wonderful family and friends.

On Friday morning, my boyfriend Aakash and I headed to Charlotte where we met up with my oldest sister, Kelley, and her boyfriend Matt. The four of us then hit the road for our final destination – Clemson!

On the way, we stopped in Greer, South Carolina to see my sister, Megan, and her fiance, Rusty, and their new home. It is absolutely breathtaking! I am very proud of the two of them, and excited to see what the future has in store for them.

1378456_10200835412113248_1129218926_n
Megan and Rusty’s new house!

When we arrived in Clemson, we headed to my best friend Nick’s house. Nick lives in an amazing new town home complex and was kind enough to allow Aakash, Kelley, Matt and me to crash on air mattresses in his living room. After a night out at a couple bars in downtown Clemson, we went to bed and prepared ourselves for the big game day ahead.

IMG_8055
Found Maclin at Tiger Town Tavern!

Chapel Hill tailgates pale in comparison to those at Clemson. The gang and I started tailgating at 11 a.m. for an 8 p.m. game. Talk about aggressive! We munched on tailgate food and drank (in moderation, of course) all day. The tailgate scene itself was wild. Our group had a flat screen TV and satellite so we could stay in tune with other college football games. We were one of many groups doing this in a sea of orange.

After visiting some other tailgates and seeing some friends, Aakash and I made the trek up to our seats – we were nearly at the top! After watching the Seminoles destroy  the Tigers, we headed back to Nick’s house for some rest. It was hard to leave on Sunday, but the weekend was the perfect mixture of friends, family, football and fall!

1375721_10200841409023167_1861382354_n
The gang’s all here.